Aahh friends..

Friends. What are friends? According to experts in the subject, a Friend is a non-existent mystical well wisher from the realms of the imagination, a lot like God. That's a fact. Friends are something that you don't have, and probably never will. If you are a man,  you clearly don't have any friends, and even if you had them, it would be because of your explicity sexual intentions with them, proving again that you're nothing more than a sick fuck. But if you are a woman, the only friends you have dangle in between your legs. If there's nothing, you have none. STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. They only are your friends because your current fling is attractive to them, or you have a habit of hot people (to them) hanging around you. THEY WILL SELL YOUR SOUL FOR A NICKEL if given the chance. In conclusion, 

FRIENDS. 

Because you have none.

*However, you can always get an animal for a pet. Some people choose to make animals their pets. They do this because they are lonely, fat and ugly. They think that their pets understand them and don't judge them but they're really just there for the free food and shit. Others take their animal relationships a step too far.

[source: The Times of the Sun.]